It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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