She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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