i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
