Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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