Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
