Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
