there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
