The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
