FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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