and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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