Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
