Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
