Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
