I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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