Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
