I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
