Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
