sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
