brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
