I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
