God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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