i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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