I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Randomize
