pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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