Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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