Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
