im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My brain says no but my pants say off.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
