I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
