i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
