So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
