At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
