he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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