Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
