Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
