Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
