If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
