Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The air was thick with penises
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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