At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is wine microwaveable?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
