you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Alive.
So much puke
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize