Old men and throwing up are my life now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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