Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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