break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
