You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
