I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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