before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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