yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
