My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize