i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
