my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
