I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
