My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
