he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
