i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
