defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
