yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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