Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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