sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
