dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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