We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
