Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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