She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
