wrigley field is MILF paradise
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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