Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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