dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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