I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
