do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize