Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize