rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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