Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
