Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize