Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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