Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im holly from the hills drunk
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
