He is an equal opportunity slut.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize