I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Randomize
