yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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