i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
