So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
