you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
