I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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