Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
foreskin is a definite game changer
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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