I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's great music for shaving your balls
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize